Revisiting Dope Wars '98 for some ungodly reason

The last time I played Dope Wars (Drug Wars), I was hunched on ‘the shit chair’ over a CRT around my mates house. It was school lunchtime, and I was in either year 7 or 8. I was quite overweight, scruffy, and I probably had specks of bean juice on my white shirt. It’s occurring to me now how deeply cursed the term ‘bean juice’ is. Tomato sauce, then. Tomato sauce on my school shirt, because it took me longer than normal to develop a sense of self-awareness about such things, and thus embarrassment, and thus I stunk and looked like shit all the time. I sort of miss it, honestly.

Dope Wars ‘98 is an updated version of the 1984 MS-DOS strategy game by John E. Dell. Its famous for being everywhere at the time, including calculators. The Windows version I played is by Beermat Software and now it's become abandonware. In brief, it’s a game about being a drug dealer, and occasionally running from the po-po. The cop is called ‘Officer Hardass’. You can shoot him to death! With a kill-gun! Otherwise, this is the same version, visually identical. It's also not exactly the version in the header image, but I'm not even going to try screenshotting it.